Sunday, September 27, 2009

So, I promised myself that I wouldn't use alcohol or cigarettes to get through this week-long experiment in being apart. But I had a glass of wine with dinner and I had a cigarette when I got home from practice. I tried to have another while I was writing but (luckily, I guess) I can't smoke and write at the same time (like Chris use to be able to do) because the smoke gets in my eyes and plus I'm smoking 305s instead of Spirits and they suck.

Here I am again in this room in this house that Chris and I bought. Same bed, same dogs on the floor, same old me. Melissa always told me that I just wanted someone to take care of me, and she's right. I look to everyone else to solve my problems and it's just not fair to anyone, not even me. So I'm here alone, wondering what the hell to do with myself. I don't think anyone understands just how hard this is for me. Or maybe they do know, maybe they feel the same way and are just too proud to admit it. I could use some pride about now...